No, it’s not using the word “suddenly,” it’s not beginning a chapter with weather, it’s not “smiling words,” and it’s not saying “fiction novel.” (There actually are some novels classified as non-fiction.) None of those things result in a query gone wrong, but there’s lots of things that will make an agent or screener toss your book onto the nearest bonfire.
Well, instead of drip feeding these juicy little tidbits to people on social media, I’ve taken the advice of some of my followers, and I’ve put together a blog post with multiple tips included. The topic of this series of tips is how agents and publishers screen out amateur authors from professionals. No need to say that no one’s goal is to end up on the slush pile, and avoiding these mistakes is one way you go about that. I do have to preface this by saying there are more tips than I could ever put in one simple blog post, but I’ve tried to choose the ones that most frequently turn into wrecking balls with regard to successful querying. Let’s get right to it. Here are some ways agents and screeners know they’re not dealing with a professional writer:
Purple Prose
Certain authors are doing a lot of it these days, but it’s important to remember that you can’t break too many rules as an amateur. Get a book on the New York Times bestseller list and you can break any rule you like. Don’t do it when you’re querying.
Purple prose is simply a word for “overdone.” For instance, no one is driving down the freeway thinking, “Wow, that man is going so fast I could almost believe he is delivering top-secret documents to the White House, and unless he gets the next three green lights, he’ll miss his plane.”
Overkill.
Have the person’s internal dialogue read something like this, “Where does that guy think he is? The Indianapolis 500?” That’s far more in keeping with REALISTIC internal dialogue, and actually has more impact than the violet verse. I could give 100 examples of purple prose, but do yourself a favor and google it. When you read a dozen examples, believe me, you’ll get it!
Active Voice Versus Passive Voice
This is a big one. Sometimes, passive voice is warranted and reads better, but overall, you should avoid it when you can, in favor of active voice. If you have absolutely no idea what that means, go online and learn it… QUICK.
Here’s a short crash course, and I would like to lead by saying that NO ONE is born knowing how to do this. It's one of the many things you simply have to learn.
Consider this sentence: "Although John and Jane were romantically attracted to each other, the relationship never became stable."
That is a proper sentence, but it's passive voice.
"Despite a strong mutual attraction, John and Jane's relationship never stabilized."
That second one is active voice. It’s tighter, it gets to the point quicker, and it reads far less clunky than the sentence preceding it.
The "to be" verbs are what giveaway passive voice every time. Editors gun for "to be" verbs. They're the hallmark of an amateur.
Sometimes in a novel or other types of fiction writing, passive voice occasionally works better than active, but by and large, a novel filled with passive voice won’t be considered by an agent or publisher. Just for your information, readers don't give two hoots about to-be verbs. It’s one of those things that readers really don’t care about because it’s not the type of thing that jumps out as an overt error or poor writing. BUT… you'll never GET to the readers if you're stuck on traditional publishing and you can't hurdle the agent or screener to get the book deal.
The Four Act Structure
This is another one that no one is born knowing how to do. You have to learn it. To successfully complete a novel, you typically have to follow The Four Act Structure in one way or another, or you will have a real mess on your hands. Most novices don’t even know what that is. And that’s not a crime. But ALL agents and screeners for publishing companies DO know. And they realize when the manuscript isn’t written that way. Then they stop reading. Once again, it’s not something that you are born knowing how to do. You HAVE to learn it.
Unnecessary Modifiers
Another dead giveaway of amateur writing that causes agents to toss manuscripts concerns verbs, adverbs, adjectives, and unnecessary modifications. Similar to active versus passive voice, this is also something that readers could care less about, but agents and screeners DO, and if you write this way, there’s a good chance your manuscript will get tossed.
In a nutshell, don’t modify verbs when you can get the same point across by simply using a stronger word. It’s easier to show examples than to explain, so I will do so below.
The sentences that agents and publishers don’t like will be first, and then I’ll give an example of how to do it properly underneath the, “versus.”
When he heard the news, he walked very quickly to her side.
VS.
He was at her side in a moment upon hearing the news.
She noticed he instantly exited the room when the conversation ended.
VS.
Following the conversation, she watched him leave the room in haste.
When questioned, he constantly insisted he was not there that night.
VS.
He reaffirmed his absence that night whenever questioned.
As soon as she got into the car, she could see he was very worried.
VS.
Once inside the car, she saw his troubled expression.
When in doubt, scan your copy for “ly” endings on words used to modify.
Flat Characters
We've all heard characters in books described as flat and one dimensional. This is a big thing that agents and screeners look at. Here's the trick they do. They read into the book a little bit, and if it doesn't get tossed for other reasons, they will eventually use software to take out all the names. Then, they will continue to read to see if they can tell who's speaking. If they can't, it's another hallmark sign of amateur writing.
Amateurs tend to use the same phrases, gestures, figures of speech, body language, internal dialog, etcetera for all their characters. (What they're actually doing is making all the characters talk and act like THEM. A very common mistake among untrained authors.)
It jumps out at screeners and agents very fast and will result in the novel becoming a doorstop. Characters have to speak and think and act as individuals, just like people do in real life. This is something that, if it doesn’t come easy, you just have to keep working at until it’s perfected.
Improper Formatting
This is probably one of the easiest, yet often overlooked ways to keep your novel from being filed under T. Writing a novel using formats that are only appropriate for texts, emails, and instant messages will earn your manuscript a permanent place in the garbage can.
There’s no need to use all caps, bold font, or excessive punctuation to make a point. If you use the English language correctly, the impact is there. Screeners and agents realize that the use of all caps, bold font, and excessive punctuation come from not understanding how to convey what's going on using dialogue, and it's a hallmark of amateur writing.
There is a short exchange in Hot Winter Sun after Julian’s twin was killed, and he’s shaking his fist at the sky, grief stricken about his brother and upset about his treatment of Robert’s widow, and his sister, Jenifry, is telling him to settle down, and draw on his calmer, more pragmatic side.
This is the next line:
“My calmer, more pragmatic side is in the family graveyard, Jenifry!” he shot back, and an eerie silence enveloped the three.
Notice there's no bold print, no purple prose, and certainly no capital letters. The mood and the feeling come through because of the impact of the words. And rather than using caps or bold words inappropriately to convey that he’s shouting, I simply said, “he shot back.” (The readers will mentally hear him shouting if I make it clear that he’s zinging something back at her in anger.)
Now, had I written that in an amateur way, it would read more like this: “Robert was the calm one, Jenifry! HE was the pragmatic one! And he’s gone, so don’t tell me to be him! I CAN’T! I’m not like that!”
A lot more words, a lot more punctuation, utterly inappropriate use of capitalization, and… ultimately far less impact.
Never do those things in a novel, because it will be the last word an agent reads. And NEVER do this: !? (Double punctuation.) Instead, use good command of the English language to convey emotion, rather than bold font, caps, excessive punctuation and other things that are not appropriate for novels. It’s one of the first things I learned when I took creative writing courses and it is priceless advice.
Action
It’s imperative to start a novel at the “point of conflict.” In other words, something of impact must be happening: somebody just died, somebody’s getting married, a full scale argument is underway, somebody’s breaking up, aliens landed etc. etc., but it has to start with something of interest so the readers will keep reading and want to know what happens.
But what fledgling authors do ALL the time is go overboard with this.
All books do not have to start with a hurricane knocking the house down. Many genres, such as the one my books are written in, don’t necessarily have that structure. Yes, of course, you always start at the point of conflict, but it doesn’t have to be something that knocks the person off the chair.
This is the kiss of death because if all your bullets are used up in the first three pages, it’s a VERY tough act to follow.
Because you can’t keep hurricane level action going for 100,000 words with no let up.
So, if you put everything you have into those first three pages, you’re running the risk of making the next hundred pages seem like an experiment in boredom to the reader.
There’s nothing wrong with a slow build, depending on the genre. The kind of historical fiction I write typically builds bit by bit, kind of like the structure of a saga, only standard novel length.
That's the way it's supposed to be.
The key is making it accelerate from there!
I try to make mine like a roller coaster. There’s that steady chug to the top, and then nothing stops until the ride is over!
But you can’t be afraid that the steady chug to the top isn’t good enough. If that structure is appropriate for your genre, it will be fine. It’s what your readers will expect, and they won’t be disappointed.
Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by writing something on the first five pages that the rest of the book can’t compete with.
You’ll take a perfectly good story and ruin it that way.
Word Count, Word Count, Word Count
Perhaps the most common mistake made by amateur authors is getting hung up on word count. Unfortunately, by the time you make it, it’s too late. If you’re zero for 50 on query letters, and you had a hard time with word count during the creation process, there’s a good chance that was the problem. And you should consider doing a rewrite. It may sound like a big pain, but if you are getting nowhere anyway, it’s worth a shot.
Bottom line: if you’re wondering how you are “ever going to ‘hit’ the word count,” you are misfocused. First of all, “the word count” is not the specific number. It’s the number of words it takes to tell the story properly. Period. If you have a good plot and a compelling story in mind, just write it and let the word count take care of itself. It will. EVERY time. The only time it doesn’t is if you don’t have a fully cooked story to begin with. If the phrase “how will I ever hit X number of words?” comes to mind, your story is NOT ready yet.
Do NOT take this bad advice: “Just write no matter what. Force yourself to sit down and write X number of words per day no matter what.”
No, no, and NO!
All you’re doing is forcing something that’s not ready yet. Contrary to what many amateurs and self-appointed experts on social media will tell you, thinking DOES count. It has to be in your head before you put it on paper. If there’s not enough in your head yet, not enough is going to come out, so just exactly what are you supposed to write when you’re forcing yourself to put down those X number of words? More info on that in this post from a few years ago if you care to read.)
Ultimately, agents and publishers have an uncanny ability to identify manuscripts that became a victim of the author’s preconceived notion about a word count.
Avoid that at all costs.
Direct Address
Please don’t. For aspiring authors who don’t know what this is, it’s addressing the reader directly, almost as if you’re talking to someone through an email or text. For example, if you’re writing a novel in first person and you say, The waiter was friendly and accommodating, and when I ordered the blue cheese dressing, he made a point to tell me it was Roquefort blue cheese, and said it would be the best I’d ever tasted. Isn’t it funny how no one bothers to tell you that blue cheese is actually mold?
That last sentence is a direct address to the reader, and is a tricky thing to pull off. Now, I just wrote that off the top of my head, and I admit it’s kind of funny (hmmm… and also true about the blue cheese) but I would never try that technique in a novel. It’s just too risky. MANY agents and screeners don’t like it, and very few authors can do it appropriately. Some would even do it this way, which is even worse: The waiter was friendly and accommodating, and when I ordered the blue cheese dressing, he made a point to tell me it was Roquefort blue cheese, and said it would be the best I’d ever tasted. (Isn’t it funny how no one bothers to tell you that blue cheese is actually mold?) Parentheses in a novel can rarely be justified.
Remember, the rule about the caps, bold, etc.? It’s not an email or text! Try direct address on your 10th successful novel, not before.
Fancy Words
Don’t be a vocabulary searching for a story. Agents and publishers are not impressed with all the big words you know. It may not be politically correct, but a well-guarded secret in this field is that most agents and screeners want books written for the lowest common denominator. It doesn’t mean that you write in such a way that you’re silently accusing your readers of being stupid, but not everybody knows what mellifluous or perspicacious mean. If an agent thinks that you’re going to annoy readers with lots of big flowery words–that the average person would have to look up–they will not keep reading. Chances are, if an agent sees “efficacious” in the first chapter, it will be the last word he or she reads.
A Bonus Tip Regarding Q Letters
This one’s not technically part of the list because it’s about your letter, versus the manuscript itself, but it’s equally important advice.
1. If you put questions in your query letter, take them out. Don’t ask questions and then answer them. It’s irritating and rhetorical. (It’s even shunned in my “day job” writing field, which is web content, and clients complain when you write articles that way.)
For instance:
Hi, agent who will love my book,
What would you do if you woke up and your grandma had turned into space martian?
Well, that’s what happens to Mary in my story!
Just get to the outline without the questions.
2. Don’t use the © or talk about your work been copyrighted, and DON’T send the manuscript certified. Legitimate publishers pay for good work, they don’t steal it, and the aforementioned tactics make it appear as if you think they might.
3. Never, never, never by statement, inference, or innuendo convey that your plot is unique or a one-of-a-kind. There is no such thing. Agents know this, and if they realize you don’t, it flags you as an amateur.
4. Avoid this line at all costs: “Looking forward to hearing from you.” I could write a whole dissertation of that, but I won’t. Just don’t use that line.
5. Don’t offer to make changes when they didn’t even ask for the rest story yet. I’ve actually seen authors do this: “if it’s too long I can shorten it, if it’s too short I can lengthen it, if you think something needs to be changed, just let me know and I'll give it another try.” Believe me, if they get interested in and want some changes, they will let you know. But don’t go into it apologetically in advance. It just makes you sound weak, like you don’t believe in your own work.
This is only a drop in the bucket of how many things will get you bumped off the traditional publishing train right from the start. It’s not that you can’t educate yourself about all this, but do you see why I say it’s much easier to just take the darn creative writing courses? It’s very hard to put education together in bits and pieces, but hopefully this gives you an idea of just how much is out there that can be working against you without you knowing it. Write on.
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